Welcome to OOCT 2012. Previously in Part 1, 5 & 13 managed to commentate without becoming intrusive (at least compared to the peacock’s crew).
Will they manage to do so during The Abide With Me section?
5 explains that it’s a memorial to everyone who couldn’t be there. (Already they’re one up on NBC who didn’t air this section, preferring to air an interview with Ryan Seacrest.)
5 uses “English” when he means “British.” He’d ought to know better.
David Beckham brings the torch in via speedboat. (The maturation of Cool Britannia.)
The Memorial dance is very touching. The use of colour is remarkable and striking choice.
5 & 13 haven’t said a single thing beyond introducing Emeli Sande’.
And now we get to the Parade of Nations.
Did the Greek team’s sheer joy at being there warm your heart as it did mine?
Gaze totally oblivious to the symbolism of Afghanistan and the fact that every team this year has female athletes, an Olympic first.
American Samoa: Yes, it’s part of the US, but every US Territory/commonwealth can participate on its own. Which is why I find it odd that the constituent nations of the UK don’t do so.
Angola: No mention of Black Gold.
Argentina: 5 says they got a warm welcome. I heard a dull roar myself.
Australia: Go Lauren. Yes, I choked up.
Shut up, Gaze.
They still look like private school uniforms.
5 & Co. go on and on about AOC facts, but it’s understandable at this point.
Austria, Azerbaijan, and several other countries skipped over, to land on Bahrain.
No mention of the turmoil there.
Bangladesh gets a cheer, no explanation by 5 & Co. In fact the camera stays on Lauren Jackson.
5 rattles off facts about Belgium, but the camera is still on Lauren Jackson.
Now 5 & Co. are getting annoying and offensive.
They get back on track with Bhutan, but the camera is still on the Australian flag, missing out on Bosnia.
Subtext to what 5 & Co. say about Brazil: They’re a threat to Australia, but if we don’t say it, maybe it won’t happen.
On some level, I think 5 & Co. wish Australia came further in the running order.
5 confuses Burundi with Burkina Faso and calls it “Upper Volta.”
Canada = old according to 13.
They start to play West End Girls. Finally.
PRC: Huge roar. 5 & Co. give the Brazilian subtext.
Camera focuses in on Brazilian flag. Hmm.
Cook Islands: They are in free association with NZ. Camera cuts quickly to Australian team. Hmm.
Cuba: Wish I could’ve heard the NBC commentary.
Czech Republic: I want those boots.
DPRK: Wink & miss by our numbers.
Ecuador: The numbers don’t mention Assange?
El Salvador: 13 reiterates Danny Boyle’s “for the people” theme.
Fiji: The numbers talk about the Bee Gees. Wow, that’s really cold.
France: Big cheer. They look as happy as the Greeks. The numbers just give facts.
Germany: Big cheer. Gaze gives facts. I’m floored by the bizarre uniforms.
Ghana: The team is rather morose, possibly because the president just died. No reference to it by the numbers.
Guam: See American Samoa.
Hong Kong, China: OUCH. The numbers miss this moment.
Iceland: Very austere.
Independent Olympic Athletes: The numbers don’t explain fully that these are athletes who for whatever reason, cannot be attached to a country (i.e. their country has no Olympic committee.)
India: Big reaction, but the numbers are slow to pick up.
Indonesia: Numbers miss out on any neighbour references.
Iraq: I think we are now at the point where Iraqi participation is normal and no one talks about the war.
Ireland: Huge cheer. Numbers give their facts.
Italy: More stylish uniforms than the French.
Japan totally skipped over!?
South Korea: The uniforms seem more like those from the tropics. Gaze gives an interesting story about one of the Korean athletes.
Kyrgyzstan: The flag bearer is jaw-droppingly handsome. The numbers give no detail.
Liberia: Understandably, this is just another country to the numbers, but I, personally, liked seeing the Liberians. Probably many other Americans were as well.
Libya: The numbers totally miss the significance.
Lithuania: Yes, Gaze, I get the guy is massive. Doesn’t excuse you lot missing Libya.
Luxembourg: Is that Clay Aitken representing the Duchy?
Madagascar: Gaze has finally shut up about the Lithuanian.
Malaysia: No news references.
Camera goes to bored Australian basketballers.
Malta skipped over.
Marshall Islands: Totally independent now.
Mexico: Huge cheer. Why? I don’t know.
Micronesia: Are they totally independent now or still in association?
Monaco: Prince Albert not competing.
Mongolia: Doing the tropical thing.
Myanmar: No political reference?
Nauru: 5 says “one of our neighbours” and leaves it at that. Not going to touch that hot potato.
Netherlands: Numbers start waking up because they know NZ is coming soon.
NZ: 13 does a very good job with her facts. Significance not quite acknowledged.
Camera focuses in on NZ team.
Norway: 5 does eulogise the Norwegian swimmer.
Palau: The flag bearer is wearing a George Washington wig? Hmm.
Palestine: Huge cheer. 13 & camera focus on Layne Beachley.
PNG: At least they get a “neighbours” reference from 5.
Australians acting up. Gaze jokingly admonishes them. Shut up, Gaze.
I have to give the odd-numbered network major credit for not going to an ad break.
Portugal: Now, 5 chooses to make a reference to the economic situation? Portuguese team looks quaintly happy in contrast.
Puerto Rico: I can hear the “why is Puerto Rico separate from the US” confusion in the Numbers voice.
Russia: When did Russia get tropical?
Rwanda: Finally an acknowledgement of the political strife.
Samoa: Only now do the Numbers acknowledge that people in Australia would be interested in teams other than Australia.
Attention Numbers: Slovakia is not Slovenia and v.v.
Somalia: The Numbers fail to make note of the significance.
South Africa: 5 talks about Castor Semenya. I’m dumbfounded on how they missed Somalia. Not even a “this is Somalia!” But yes, 5, Semenya is a controversial choice, like you lot ignoring what is likely the first team from Somalia since the 1980s or 90s.
Spain: Gaze drools about Pau Gasol. The Spanish team is upbeat, not up there with the French and the Greeks. 5 goes on about the Double Amputee from the RSA. Are you planning on taking Hot Seat to Cape Town, 5? WTF? You missed talking about SOMALIA and you’re still going on about the RSA and we’re already at Spain?!
13 talks about how the Spanish uniforms were donated.
Sri Lanka: 5 talks about the huge Sri Lankan community in Australia. (Huge Maltese one as well and you skipped over them.)
Sudan: The numbers talk about clothes and 5 makes a reference to the political situation. (You still missed SOMALIA!)
Sweden: They look like a really big Rowing club. 5 gives them the Brazilian commentary.
Switzerland: 5 gives them the Brazilian commentary as well. This is not good.
Syria: No reference to politics at all. (13? You co-present a breakfast show, you have the ability to go there and you couldn’t make any acknowledgement?)
Timor-Leste: No reference to politics or being a neighbour!?
Tonga: See Timor-Leste.
Trinidad & Tobago: No Nicki Minaj references…by the team.
Tunisia: 13 talks about the Arab Spring (you still missed Libya).
Turkey: 5 gives a very convoluted story about a defecting Turkish weightlifter back in 1956.
Tuvalu: “Halfway between Australia and Hawaii” says 13.
Ukraine: The Ukrainian Andrew Gaze, I shudder at the thought.
The United States: I know I’ve made a big to-do about the traditional links between the US & France, but our formerly made-in-China by Ralph Lauren uniforms make us look more French than the actual French. Is this the US Olympic team or the staff for the Dover-Calais ferry?
Attention 5: The first name of the President of the US is pronounced “Bah-ROCK” not “Bah-RACK.” I know it’s spelled that way, but it’s not pronounced that way, y’see?
Gaze drools about the Dream Team.
The uniforms kind of lessen my emotion, but I’m proud of the team.
Venezuela: Gaze & 13 still in awe about the Dream Team. Multimillionaires they may be, but only a few years ago they got their egos fricasseed when they thought they were too cool to represent the US.
(US) Virgin Islands: See Puerto Rico.
Great Britain: Why aren’t they the United Kingdom? If the US looked odd, the UK looks peculiar. Is it an homage to Sir Elton? The numbers give more facts per second than humanly possible.
Random rock band mumbles their way through a song. I pick up the words “1984,” “Rio,” and “looking.”
Oh, that’s the Arctic Monkeys? Do. Not. Live. Up. To. The. Hype. In my view.
Cycling doves to Come Together Pleasantly trippy.
Go away Arctic Monkeys though.
Lord Coe makes hay of his 15 minutes.
One day we’ll have an IOC president who can speak English clearly.
HM:TQ finally gets to open the games.
The Numbers try to explain who the UN Goodwill Ambassadors are, but are drowned out by the announcers doing the exact same thing.
Yes, 5, we know who Muhammad Ali is.
Surely Becks and the torch must be there already, and indeed, here comes the final part of the relay.
Olympic oath. And it goes on and on and on.
Torch finally enters stadium and we all know what happened next.
Well, the Numbers really let themselves down with this section.
And I’m still perplexed by the US & UK uniforms.
So if that’s the button you’re looking for, blame Ralph Lauren